Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
