okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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