Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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