Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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