Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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