Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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