"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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