so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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