I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
