Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
