she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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