god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
