due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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