he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize