even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
