Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
