Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
