The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
