Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
