Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
