nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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