dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
