The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
