Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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