if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
