so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
