Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
