this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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