shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
