i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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