So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
