I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
