Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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