Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
