I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michael Bay diarrhea
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sober January is a disaster.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
