I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
