Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
