Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
