Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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