Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
