Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
