i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
