turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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