When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
