If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As shirtless as possible
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
