I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
birth control should be required to get into college
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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