So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You are the jesus of drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
