Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
