I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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