I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
