I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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