you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
