What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize