i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
