spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
