we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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