Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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