talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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