ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
