is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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