you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
