If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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