i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
