my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
