No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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