HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
