He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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