i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
