Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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