i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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