bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
