I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
